Go! Take a Step Back
July 3rd, 2008 by Mighty MorganMighty Morgan here!
Some of you don’t necessarily understand some of the stuff I do, the things I write about or why I may ponder upon some of the subject matter that I sometimes do. But all of it and I mean all of it, is because it is the process that allows me to continually grown and become more of the person I choose to be and to live the life I desire.
Some of you already know about the picture puzzle of my life, but then there are some of you who don’t. I figured I would share some pieces of my story in order for the whole picture of what I do to become clearer.
I was a stone cold heroin addict for over 12 years of my life.
I was a liar. I was a thief. I hated myself and I hated the rest of the world.
I was not a nice human being.
When I made the decision to get and stay clean, I rebuilt a life for myself and redefined who I was. I continued to stay clean and at this point last year I came to realized that the equation for life that I had been desperately trying to live by, would never, ever, ever offer me the results I believed they would.
I began my experiment in a last attempt to discover if life would ever offer me more then the daily struggle to survive in this world….and if not, I was done trying to live this life. I examined and re-examine every aspect of who I was in order to discover that the limited life I felt trapped within was a direct result of what and how I believed and felt.
Since I began this journey, my life has unfolded before me almost magically into the life I am currently living…which you can read more about here if you wish. I have learned that every challenge, struggle, setback or limit I perceive in the moment is the gentle teacher of life allowing me to choose a better way of being through the very painful contrast it provides.
I would never know what aspects of my life were not serving me if I did not experience the inner discomfort they produced. A simple shift in my perceptions allows me to discover that all that I desire is being offered to me if I take a step back, out of any situation to see the bigger picture that it encompasses.
So is there any challenges, struggles, setback or pieces in the puzzle of your life that you can turn around by stepping back to take a better look at?
Hmmm….Mighty Morgan, nothing I can think of. NOT. It is all unfolding in my blog. I literally was born into a traumatic and abusive enviornment and experienced years of neglect, abandonment, emotional abuse, physical abuse and sadistic sexual abuse. There is so much that happened it makes my head hurt. Because of it I have learned some very unhealthy ways of coping (eating disorder, self-injury, suicide, depression, thinking I’m bad or that I don’t deserve to live and the list goes on and on). However, because of my past I have great skills in helping others and now I am totally committed to my healing process. It is extremely painful and hard, but I keep progressing slowly forward. My therapist says, I do this three steps forward two steps back. Due to this I have major depression and post-traumatic stress disorder and am dealing with that and have become disable enough not to work where as before I was a big over achiever. Now, I just sit and blog…just kidding. But, not working really has been good. More memories comeback and I can see how they effect me now and begin to slowly make changes. Writing this here is a huge step for me. I just want to take it all back.
ClinicallyCluelesss last blog post..What led up to July 4th ~ part II
Oh, the memories were repressed for over 35 years, so I did not know about them. Now, I’m dealing with them. Can you just delete everything? I feel extremely raw and vulnerable now.
ClinicallyCluelesss last blog post..What led up to July 4th ~ part II
Blimey - humbling stuff, both your battles & Mighty Morgan’s. Not much words can add - both been through the wringer but good to hear your both on the up.
Not so much of a battle anymore…more of a journey into my heart. But thanks for the words of support!
mighty morgans last blog post..The Miracle
Raw and vunerable…then your in the perfect position to get all the ooze out of those wounds so they ca stop infecting every area of your life and allow it to all begin healing.
There is much love for you here Clinical…keep trekking forward till you look back and see the distance you have traveled!
mighty morgans last blog post..The Miracle
Why do you have to be right!!! Thanks for the support.
ClinicallyCluelesss last blog post..What led up to July 4th ~ part II
Yeah I have moment to in which I could just take it all back…but as I continue to move forward i realize that the freedom of self that I gain with each painful step forward is worth every moment.
mighty morgans last blog post..The Miracle
Thanks for the reminder…you speak the truth!!
ClinicallyCluelesss last blog post..What led up to July 4th ~ part II
just stumbled to your blog. i like it, seriously!
mantizs last blog post..Things I love - Ridiculously Long Words!
Thanks Mantiz
mighty morgans last blog post..The Miracle
must say heroin is very bad an nasty
a lad I know called Samuel ‘Zammo’ McGuire got hooked on it in school. He even hit his girflfriend and best friend kevin baylon while ripped to his eyes.
they managed to get him off it by recording a rap record about the dangers of drugs- SEE AUSSIE CYNIC NOT ALL GANGSTERS- and, with some help Zammo managed to get off the gear. He was on it for some time but with support came through.
Well done Morgan- I am sure you can empathise with Zammo.
Hmmmm Urban I wonder if that was the same song that prompted me to stop shooting heroin and change my life……..what could tthe odds be??????
mighty morgans last blog post..The Miracle
could be
all I know is this
it affected people as profoundly as martin luther kings ‘I have a drum’ speech, or Malcolm Tens ‘Liberate our mines, by all mean net accesories’
hahaha ha…mmmmmm maybe it’s some sort of mass hypnosis tool disguised as a song?????????
mighty morgans last blog post..The Miracle
Hi Urban
Good to see you on top form as ever
Arvind Devalias last blog post..Time for Friends and Friend’s Friends Picnic 2008!
Wow Mighty, strong stuff and completely worthy of my upmost admiration.
I have a question for you, how do you maintain what you’ve become.
I mean in the sense that you were another person for such a long time, so the person you are is almost secondary, like hot and cold water, hot water doesnt have the same power as cold because its not a ‘natural’ state, for want of a better word.
Does that make sense? Is it easier to look back and harder to look forward or vice versa?
I’m in the process of recovery and one of the basics of this program is the restoration to “sanity”….at one point I was not the person I became. I often reflect on my life and try to examine it to discover where and when i began to skew the way I thought as well as the way that I thought and reacted to life. It’s a bit difficult to adequately explain, but ultimately I live according to spiritual principles hat have a profound effect on how I live and act…..honesty (self), acceptance, surrender, open-mindedness, hope, faith, trust, courage, responsibility, perseverance and the list goes on. When I take the time to apply such ways of being in every area and all my affairs a sort of spiritual transformation occurs from within that allows me to change the person I have settled in being and allows me to become more….
Don’t know if that helped of not…but i tried
mighty morgans last blog post..The Miracle
Hello Morgan,
Amazing and touching story. Beautifully told and straight from the heart.
I have been away from the world of Flowers for a while but what a great story to come back to. Well done and keep smelling the flowers on your journey.
Maybe we can all take some lessons from you and get very clear about what we do and don’t want in our lives in say a year’s time.
Being an easy to remember date today (4th July, Independence day) I wonder what our lives can be like in a years time if we were to follow your shining example
Arvind Devalias last blog post..Time for Friends and Friend’s Friends Picnic 2008!
Arvind for clarity
you mean the bit about Morgan getting clean don’t you?
or are you suggesting we all get bang on the brown for a year? if so I predict a year of teeth loss. go! smoke the opiates
Yes, the bit about getting clean, stepping back and reviewing her life
arvinds last blog post..Time for Friends and Friend’s Friends Picnic 2008!
But what about the damage to the lungs Urban???????? Hacking cough not so attractive, plus the flower smelling ability will be quite diminished won’t it
mighty morgans last blog post..The Miracle
It’s funny that you say wrote that Arvind, being that from where I stand in the present moment I often find myself challenged to dream bigger……but I;m doing the best I can. If I came this far in a year I find much hope in how much further I can go if I stay persistantly upon this new path of live I am venturing on….
mighty morgans last blog post..The Miracle
Take care Mighty - not much else i can add really but wanted to show support by leaving a comment.
Jonathan Crouchs last blog post..Mighty Mouse stops scrolling, scrolling, scrolling…
Thanks Jonathan…I always appreciate support of any kind
mighty morgans last blog post..The Miracle
Hi Mighty - we’ve enjoyed this thread and your post from the heart as always!
Learning from the past is so inspiring when it comes from you.
Bon courage and thanks for sharing again
Thanks Jim and Em…Always appreciate your support!!!!!
mighty morgans last blog post..The Miracle
Beautifully written Mighty Morgan… what an honour to see you through this journey of life in the making! You are an inspiration to me with your strength and courage to write about it and for letting us share it with you. Peace… Ange
Thanks Ange… Much love to you from NY
mighty morgans last blog post..The Miracle