Go! Redefine the past
June 25th, 2008 by Mighty Morgan
I have allowed aspects of certain situations of my past to follow me throughout much of my life. This was not something I choose to do consciously, but more of a way for me to protect myself from the trauma that these particular aspects inflicted upon my inner spirit at these moment in time.
Throughout my personal journey of recovery I have utilized the various tools and methods available in order to allow myself to redefine many aspects of my past that have served only to have me relive situations and circumstances infused with pain and hurt. I feel fortunate that I have the willingness to keep fighting for the parts of myself that at some point in time stopped growing from these emotional wounds that life has inflicted upon my spirit.
This past weekend I had the opportunity to participate in a psychodrama, a group setting of sorts that permits one to almost go back in time to re-vist particular aspects of ones life and to face them full one to discover the closure that many of theses hurts still cry out for.
It was strange and surreal, but very therapeutic in that it allowed me to go back and say what needed to be said to myself and others in order for me to move on with my life. During it all I found myself cycling throughout many emotions that I have surpressed for most of my life and allowed them to be released fully.
During the session I let go of the need to cling to the rationalization and justifications that an adult mind often likes to use in order to explain away the hurts that have occurred. I spoke, screamed and cried from the deepest parts of my being and did not allow my mind to filter my words, thoughts or feelings.
As the end I came face to face with myself as a seven years old girl, confused, hurt and scared; and I allowed myself to embrace that little girl who no-one thought to protect from the actions of others and I let her know once and for all….
It wasn’t her fault.
She was safe now.
It was okay for her to come out and play.
Any moments of your life you would like to be able to go back and redefine by re-living them in the present. With whom and what would you say?????
Psychodrama!!! Wow, what a powerful therapuetic tool. I’m glad that you were able to utilize it well and get something out of it. It is painful, hard work…congratulations.
There is so much trauma in my past. Where would I even begin. Probably the most damaging is being abused as an infant, so maybe I’d like to go back there. When I was hospitalized in 1992, we did one as my being an infant, but I did not have the memories I do now. I think, I would get a lot more out of it now.
ClinicallyCluelesss last blog post..Past Journal Entry: July, 2/3, 2005 ~ weekend
Yes it was very therapeutic…a lot of unexpected emotions were definitely release during the entire session….but all of it very freeing in the end. I don’t know if I would attend another one, but who knows. I’m always open to new ways to how I can deal with some of the more glaring aspects of my past…..some of us carry a ton of pain through our lives, this I know and why I also look for ways and means to release it in whatever available options are around!
Yes, I am one who carries a ton, but am in the process of lightening my load…excruciating, but worth it. I really admire what you’ve been through and have accomplished. Also, your guts to look at things in your life and take only the responsibility that is yours and not others, most of the time.
ClinicallyCluelesss last blog post..Today’s Session ~ Rage, My Therapist is Crazy!
It is worth it..totally worth it. I can only share my experience that the work involved at times is painful and difficult, but well worth it all to discover the freedom that is available once we can stop dragging our emotion luggage into the present day….always remember YOU are not alone in the feelings that you are experiencing
HUGS from NY
mighty morgans last blog post..Wounds of the Spirit.
I would go back to a time when I used to go knock and run on the elderly neighbours. one time he got so wound up by it he collapsed. we waited ten minutes then went home. someone called an ambulance. Anyway someone told my dad and I was punished. the old man died not long after. I’d like to go back and see him, and man to man, look him in the eye, hold out my hand, fingers outstretched and
give him a slap for being a grass.
Got to love the way you always can insert some humor into a given situation….made me laugh a bit….hope you get to give him the old slap or pretend to anyway
lol
Mighty Morgans last blog post..Wounds of the Spirit.
don’t worry morgan
I send pizzas and stuff round to his missus at 3 a.m. every night. I am sure she sees the funny side. or will when she gets out of hospital
That is too funny Urban….of course she will see the humor once she leaves the hospital…how couldn’t she….lol
mighty morgans last blog post..Wounds of the Spirit.
Hi Mighty - thanks for sharing and LOL Urban…
Psychodrama - is this a form of NLP based counselling, as in rear view mirror stuff, rather than forward looking and choosing to bury the past?
NLP techniques such as going back to a time of trauma, picturing it and re-watching it on an imaginary film screen but directing the outcome yourself? EG you replace the bully in school with Homer Simpson - it becomes comical - problem reduced?
Just wondered if it was a form of NLP? Interesting….
I want to address your questions. But, what is NLP?
ClinicallyCluelesss last blog post..Past Journal Entry: July 4, 2005
NLP = Neuro Linguistic Programming
I’m not sure if it is a form of NLP, but psychodrama has it’s roots in Gestalt theory of counseling. Gestalt therapy and NLP have the same psychologist roots, so they are very similar. Gestalt is based on the “here and now” which means bringing the past to the present in order to feel, think, examine and analyze based on how it seems now. Role-playing is one technique. But, it brings the past to the present which is considered better than talking about the past. Rather one experiences the past as the present. It is a way to look at the how that may influence the present. The entire group participates each being an assigned person in the memory or an “audience.” It is quite cathartic and emotionally powerful. It would be like reliving a trauma in the present rather than just talking about it which makes it more salient to work with in therapy and provides a group context in which to receive feedback. It can be used to examine how to make corrective changes in how one thinks about the trauma and can change one’s role for example rather than playing it out just as it was. You can now play it out to how you wish it were and say what you couldn’t then now. I have no idea if I am making sense, but does this answer your question?
ClinicallyCluelesss last blog post..Past Journal Entry: July 4, 2005
It doesn’t necessarily have to be a specific trauma, but at least a feeling or situation that bothers you.
ClinicallyCluelesss last blog post..Past Journal Entry: July 4, 2005
It does answer the question CC and thanks for taking the time to do so!
Life coaching, we may add, is a forward looking technique rather than dwelling in the past although each has there place - especially stuff that needs clearing and moving on from.
A great coaching visualisation is to imagine you in say 5, 10 or 20 years time - your ‘Future self’.
Who are you, where are you, what are you called, describe it, feel it and write words that contain it.
Then - lose the stuff in your life that doesn’t serve your future self - keep or bring in the stuff that does.
A brief example but there you GO!
I reckon I’ll be dead in 20 years
so I am visualising going into the furnace - not very pretty let me tell you
are you suggesting I chuck everything out other than a coffin to get incinerated in?
Jim and Em,
You are welcome. I had fun looking up NLP. But, dusting off the cobwebs in my head was fun after the dust settled and I remembered what I was taught some 20+ years ago…I can’t be THAT old. Or can I, I forgot.
ClinicallyCluelesss last blog post.."Friend of a Wounded Heart" ~ Wayne Watson
I like that Jim and Em….I know that for the most part I do look towards the future and do my best in order to live in the here and now…but unfortunately sometimes I find that in order to move forward I have to take a few steps backwards to do so. Unresolved stuff has the capacity to destroy the future if not dealt with…I know…I’ve done it…lol. But I know that today I have crossed the threshold between the past and the future and find freedom from self that allows me to embrace the moments of the day for what they are and not what they have been.
Keep moving forward
mighty morgans last blog post..Wounds of the Spirit.
Not really sure…i went into the session with little to no information of what would transpire. Basically if you had some sort of issue that you wanted to act out ( the coordinators would set up scenario) then whoever people identified with the most would act out the drama. For me I wanted to know how I could learn to not allow the feelings inside of me that felt so out of control leak out into my experience where I would begin to try and control everything.
So initially we identified the feelings that came about with the feelings of “out of control” then people I identified with it, and what was missing.
It all sorts of unfolds very naturally with the first gut feeling or thought that comes to mind when setting it all up, then everyones starts playing the roles set forth by me…….and the drama begins with how I begin to addresses the emotions that surfaced during what was occurring…like I said very strange and surreal but therapeutic…if that helps…lol
mighty morgans last blog post..Wounds of the Spirit.
I’ve had training and used psychodrama in counseling groups, so I know a little bit more…just a little bit.
ClinicallyCluelesss last blog post..Past Journal Entry: July 4, 2005
Cheers for clarifying Mighty! The gut feel and instincitve part of the exercise hows its from the heart, from the right brain -rather than a contrived and thought out scenario…….Great work!
sounds great
I would like to act out a scene where I receive a cheque for 10 mill off two adult entertainment starlets.
where can I get thi ssorted?
It needs to be a past traumatic experience, not a current day fantasy. Sorry.
ClinicallyCluelesss last blog post..Past Journal Entry: July 4, 2005
Sorry but it doesn’t work out that way…..to bad though…I would like to get myself a check like that as well….keep in mind thought that the scenario ISN”T a reality based drama…….it’s more of a mental mind f*ck that boots you back into the past….
mighty morgans last blog post..Wounds of the Spirit.
Cool analogy Mighty, nicely summed up!
i’D LOVE A CRACK AT THIS
I could ‘identify’ with everyones story then but in.
My character would always suggest dancing bears/ dwarf slayings as the answer to the problem no matter what it is.
I would also use it to fleece people of dough.
oh hold on the therapist beat me to it!!
hhhhmmmmm I will definitely keep that i mind next time an emotional storm threatens to consume me…lol
mighty morgans last blog post..Wounds of the Spirit.
Powerful post and experience….
Personally I wouldnt really re-define much … thats not to say I wouldnt change things, but by changing them it opens up a whole new melting pot..
i jsut like to get past it, and understand it and move on… cant go back and I cant correct it so I leave it and move on..
I thought that for the most part I did get past some things…and I did at an intellectual level of sorts. What I discovered and have continued to discover though is although I understand the events of my past from the point of perspective that I now stand in, there were many unresolved emotions that needed to be heard, felt and processed in order to fully and completely let go of the turmoil the events or situation was attached to.
I understand that my parents did the best for me that they could and that the things that occurred to me when I was younger was in no way, shape or form there fault…but a part of me has been holding in anger and resentment and pain that I never allowed myself to fully experience, because I intellectualized the situation….all these years later a part of me was screaming…
“WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU AND WHY DIDN’T ANYONE PROTECT ME”
Although I know that nothing that happened was because of them…the little girl inside of me that stopped growing at seven needed resolution and validation of what occurred.
There are many traumas of the spirit that if left to be intellectualized or unprocessed have the capacity to keep one stuck in a place of fear and uncertainty when trying to relate to the world…this is only my take on it…and I know that it helped me…things sometimes run a bit deeper then i would like them too
mighty morgans last blog post..Wounds of the Spirit.