Go! Reflect
May 27th, 2008 by Mighty MorganMighty Morgan here!
As a person who has spent many years lost in the grips of self hatred, it took a long time before I came to the understanding of how important my actions were in relation to the truth of how I really felt about myself.
For some time I was stuck in the idea that if I thought positive about myself and believed that I loved myself that it would be enough. Sadly it wasn’t and the reality of my drug addiction as well as the many other self defeating behaviors spoke volumes of how I truly felt about myself.
It’s been almost three years since I started on my own personal road to recovery and one thing that remains constant in this process is my own awareness of how I am acting on a daily basis.
Do my actions reflect self love?
Or do they reflect self hatred?
Some days it’s all love, other days hints of self loathing and then there are the days where the lines become blurry. All in all though I do my best to show myself the love I wish to have reflected in my world.
So do tell, what do YOUR actions reflect…self-love or self-hate?
Starting my blog was an act of self-love, but the consequence is the automatic reaction of self-hatred. I put myself out there and then begin to feel bad, start apologizing for everything I do and say, feeling like I need to justify my existence and needing to die. However, in the blogosphere, the help and support is here if you speak up or ask for it. When I do that there I’m acting on self-love. Then, repeat the cycle. My therapist today help to stop some of it, but always in the back is the self-hatred that is gaining less of a voice, but sometimes is over-powering and I need other reinforcement. Ask for help, put a need out there….vicious cycle that is getting less severe.
However, my actions to others show love that I need to apply to myself.
I’m with you on this one Clinically…..typically for me I find that the love I need to apply to myself is often the love i am so willing to give to others…..I guess at one point you either begin somewhere and do something or just walk through the motions of life half miserable.
My intent is to journey through life happy and satisfied. Funny thing is that I have a great life, but it is the PTSD & Major Depression that get in the way. Otherwise, my life is pretty satisfying. Unfortunately, my illnesses far outway the other stuff. On the other hand, I am happy that my life is satisfying…could not imagine going through this phase of my life and needing to change other things. I’m glad that you chose to do something!! It is hard to keep up though.
I think I have shown much love and hate to the world at the same time like every of my actions have both love and hate only depends it affects who..
mine is neither..
I neither hate or love myself in the sense of the post…
mine is total lack of understanding of myself and a constant state of confusion all wrapped up in the attempt to understand the world around me, peoples actions, and what is the true importance of things ..
so in that regard it is neither something or nothing it is what it is…
Agreed, I just don’t analyse myself that closely. As long as I make others happy thats all that counts.
Truly, I am a people pleaser, read into that what you will.
lol…..I wish I didn’t analyze myself that closely…but I do. I too am a people pleaser, I think in some way shape or form we all are to some extent…..is it good or bad…..I think that’s up to us personally to decide
I get the whole “constant state of confusion all wrapped up in the attempt to understand the world around me” but I also think that as I continue to work on understanding myself…the world around me becomes less important as the world inside of me….and when i change the inside the outside world makes more sense…..
thinking outside my box, padded cell, or fence which ever fits…
today I am thinking a padded cell might be nice…. nah ….
I might try it your way, because mine is just gets so confuddling….
but a creature whose most uplifting thought is how to survive the next ice age, in a cave… not a very happy soul in there… so we tend not to go there…. its better that way trust me I live with this philosopher everyday… and she is down right irritating… 
i avoid the internal workings though as sometimes it is way to confronting and unsettling… when I attempt self analysis the results tends to be a very philosophycal creature, at not the aussie we all know and love
Oh Aussie…how we all love you exactly the way you are……i find the philosopher within me is also downright irritating at times, but for me “she” offers me solutions for my own life. Everyone has their own way of approaching life…
THANK GOD for all the contrasts between us all or this life would be downright BoRiNg….
Both. I think that most people have both. It is finding that balance of self-love and seeing our fault, but not as something bad. Seeing our faults and accepting without judgement…self-acceptance.
Good observation…..I encounter so many people on a daily basis that just reflect how much they hate themselves, I recognize this aspect because it is a tendancey that is within me…always waiting for it’s moment to flare up and lash out. I know that for the most part the love and acceptance I have for myself today greatly outweighs the negative self-loathing aspects….but it’s a process…..some are better able to have the self acceptance for themselves and then their are the others like myself that had to work at discovering the delicate balance that exists between the two.
I’m both. As they say, you are your own worst enemy and the actions I have taken in my life reflect that. On the other hand, for things I have accomplished, I will literally pat my own self on the back. This stimmed from childhood when I had accomplished something major and instead of my mother congratulating me, she came to my room and said, “You don’t need anyone to pat you on the back. You’ll do that for yourself.” Kind of sad, in a way…..
You and me are on the same page Empress….the experience of my life reflects that I too have dwelle in the contrasts of self love and hatred…..it’s a journey right?????
All i know is that today…the things i do to myself and others reflect love and acceptance not only of me but of others…..it’s all good!