What Do YOU Do Past GO?
May 17th, 2008 by Empress Nightshade
Empress here. What a shock — I know. I thought it was about time I stop hiding and show my face around here. Well, my words, anyway.
See that flower over there? That pretty much describes how I have felt over the past month. Like a dry and wilted flower.
Before I continue, I want to make it clear that I’m not looking for sympathy nor does this wilted flower have any room for thorns. I’ve been poked and prodded enough. What I’m looking for is answers…..
As some of you may have guessed, this is all surrounding my Haunted House. Yes, we lost our location, but that’s to be expected in the Haunted Industry. However, it was the lies, deceit and thievery of many haunted house items — all done by “professionals” we trusted that sent me in a tail-spin. It left me feeling victimized and paranoid. If those I’d put my trust in could do this to me, how in the world could I ever trust anyone else?
Added to this misery was the death of our main construction guy — killed in an auto accident a few weeks ago. He was the second person of our crew to die in less than six months. I was very close to him and without his help last season, the haunt never would have been.
Ingesting all of this has been difficult. I was ready to take the haunt, the nonprofit and just chuck it all to hide in my room with the blinds closed and the phone off the hook just as I had done many times in the past. You see….no one can hurt you when you’re hiding…..
Taking the advice of my crew, I’m somehow pushing forward. I’m currently looking for a new location and have given myself to the end of this month to find one. If not, there will be no haunt, thus no fund raiser, no money for the nonprofit and no funded field trips for the Autistic children I’ve given so much to help. Although my crew has the same task as I, I know I am the only one truly searching.
I’m also searching for answers….
We’ve all endured disappointments, misery and heartache, haven’t we? So, how do you do it? How do you find the strength to pick yourself up and begin the race again when life yells, “Ready…Set…GO!?”
To be honest, I don’t know what I’m doing. People are always saying to me, “You’re so strong.” No. I’m. Not! I feel as though I’m flailing back and forth — trying to decide if I should continue or give it all up.
What do you do? What do you do to pick yourself up when life yells, “GO!?“
Hi Empress’ - crikey I had no idea! - what do i do? - i put on a smile and try to imagine myself walking on a trampoline - a bouncy step forward.
Purple13’s last blog post..More than a Photo Gift company - who says so? you!
I collect two hundred.
I like this name. I am adopting it.
Hi Empress and thanks for plucking up the courage to share your situation with us here.
All these obstacles and circumstances are set to challenge your dream, your path and your reason to be which you’re clearly well on the way to making a reality. Continue has to be the option for you right now, granted you could give a deadline like ‘if we don’t find a place by, for example, 1st September, then that’s it’ then you’ve put it out there to see what will be -let it go, if you will.
Often the place finds you - instinctively we get the ‘ disused cafe becomes a haunted house’ -you could combine the 2?
Off the wall but thought we’d share.
That could be the way forward.
I’m so sorry to hear about your setbacks and losses. Being that I have Major Depression, I always feel like I go through setbacks. Sometimes, I go forward by sharing with someone like you are now, using the blogsphere for support. I just started that nine days ago and it has done wonders. Other time, which is not healthy, is that I pretend that everything is okay and go into hyperdrive to get everything done so as to avoid criticism that I’m letting things get to me (my own thinking, not reality). Then, I get those comments about being strong. Well, the truth is that we are all strong, even when we don’t feel like it. Within us all is the ability to reach out, tell what we feel and think, and accept encouragement, comfort and help…that takes strength and you are doing it. Thank you so much for sharing.
ClinicallyClueless’s last blog post..Major Depressive Disorder
OH!!! And good luck…wish I could help or comfort you. But, I have a feeling that you are the type that will get through this with flying colors and the haunt will be better than you expected it. Please be kind to yourself, you have had a lot of losses. Be gentle and don’t expect that you can handle things on your own. Take the time to grieve!!
ClinicallyClueless’s last blog post..Major Depressive Disorder
Hi Empress,
I’m sorry, but I was looking at your flower picture and realized that cut flowers do not survive because they are cut off from the life source of thier roots and the rest of the plant and flower, their community. They all need each other. If one flower starts to die, all are effected around that area. You may feel like that flower, but you are not that flower…it is apart and destined to die once it was cut. You have not been cut. You still belong to a beautiful group of blossoming, some bigger than others, flowers with a strong base and root system. You have the wrong picture of who you actually are. Sorry to be so flowery!!! Good luck and take care…now, I’m done rambling.
ClinicallyClueless’s last blog post..Major Depressive Disorder
Thank you so much for comments.
It sounds as though you have been right where I have.
Empress Nightshade’s last blog post..Bend Over, Bend Down…
Thanks for inspiring others with this post Empress!
I have more times than I ever want to or can count. It feels good to be able to encourage someone else. I like metaphors and that flower reminded me of how it is not you…Good luck to you!!! Take care!!
ClinicallyClueless’s last blog post..TODAY!!!! (May 19, 2008) ~ 1:30 pm
Hello! Sorry to hear! I think happy all the time and positive thoughts and never had any depression. It is really just a mindset I think.
Mike’s last blog post..80s Dance Songs
If that is the way you really feel, then you continue to add to the stigma about mental illness. If you have compassion, you will read my latest post with an open mind and watch the PBS documentary on Wednesday, May 21st. I don’t mean to jump on you, but you are really misinformed and have hurt and offended anyone who has ever dealt with a mental health issue. Please educate yourself…just by reading my post would be a start. By the way, I am genuinely happy for you that you have never been depressed and I hope you never have to deal with this medical issue.
ClinicallyClueless’s last blog post..Major Depressive Disorder
G’Day there Empress
Thought it was the haunt causing hassles…
sorry to hear its being difficult… it will work out one way or the other..
In answer to your question… well it depends on the situation..
Generally I become a rock and help everyone around me, they get sorted, I help them through what ever is going on…
then when all is moving along I fall in a heap…. yep.. drop in a ball depression, yell and scream at the slightest error, and lock myself away in my house… dont go anywhere or do anything…
After a while I get annoyed at myself so then I turn my anger on myself…. and spend a few days telling myself off for the feeling like this etc…. after a bit I get sick of myself and start to move back into my life and start repairing, fixing and sorting everything I was hiding from..
Some times Hubby takes me away to the bush to catch my breathe etc…
Then I get on with it…
what people dont understand when we are the rock is that we are Marshmallow on the inside..
Glad to see you popping back in here Empress. Gee, when life kicks me around I usually mope for several hours/days and comfort myself with good food, movies, reading, things I like until I’m feeling up to facing the world again.
Funkygirl012003’s last blog post..Informercials and Advertising yourself
Me too funkygirl, I like a big box of chocolates, large tub of Haagen Daaz, pizza, Mills & Boone books (or Barbara Cartland) soppy films, a big box of Kleenex and a right good cry.
snigger snigger snigger snigger
Sooo informative FF, well done.
It’s true Lib, I just can’t help wearing my heart on my sleeve
Snigger snigger snigger
Don’t be stupid. Fish are cold, thus no heart, and they don’t have a sleeve.
There, you can have my name, Faceless Frontierless Heartless. I’ll take yours.
Snigger snigger snigger
Oops I forgot. My name is Urban Pagan now.
snigger snigger snigger
I tend to think of a few things,
1. There are millions worse off than me. Whatever the problem is, its small by comparison.
2. This isn’t a dress rehearsal, its your life. Go live it.
If something knocks you down look to it as a challenge rather than a set back. Once you’ve overcome it then you can look back with satisfaction knowing YOU sorted it out, nobody else.
If someone knocks you down, get up and punch the motherf&*ker in the face. Once he’s bleeding, you can look back with satisfaction, knowing YOU sorted it out, nobody else.
Snigger snigger snigger
snigger snigger snigger snigger snigger
Hey you, that’s not your name anymore, it’s mine. Yours is Faceless Frontierless Heartless.
Or you can use Sterile Fish.
Snigger Snigger Snigger
Hi Empress,
Really sorry to hear about your troubles.
But that is what they are, troubles, and most troubles have solutions, and I know that you are going to find yours.
If troubles happen to me I try and see them as setbacks and look at the bigger picture. Tomorrow is definitely and always another new day and you never know what it’s going to bring. Thats how I get through it, I’m far to nosey and want to know what is going to happen in the future, good or bad.
I also agree with Gareth’s point, there are way less fortunate people out there, like the people literally outside my window at this moment running the BUPA 10k run.
Poor buggars.
After I hide from the world a bit….I tend to realize that isolating is hurting me more
I do the best I can when faced with feelings of doubt and fear to “act as if” meaning I search for the outcome I want to occur and from that place of empowerment I act…..a bit tricky at first but once you get the hang of it…life tend to open up in a whole new light.
Mighty Morgan’s last blog post..Vote for my baby brother!
MM, isolating can hurt further. But, it also gives me time to heal and regroup. Sometimes I feel as though I don’t have a choice. “Act as if..” Yeah, I’m quite familiar with the term. I learned it in my Overeaters Anonymous class (which by the way caused me to eat more than I normally would have). I’m also familiar with “And this too shall pass.” I said that to myself over and over when I was in labor. It passed alright, but it hurt like hell while it was there…..
Empress Nightshade’s last blog post..Bend Over, Bend Down…